Melancholy Serenity
by alittlebitwicked
Summary: Sheldon has a breakdown and gets admitted to a psychiatric facility. He is surprised when he sees the girl from one of his University classes, a girl named Penny, is also being treated. AU
1. Chapter 1: A Wretch Like Me

****_Hello all! I know, I know! I already have a multi chapter fic, why am I starting a new one? Well, this fic idea just came to while listening to a song and reflecting on some things that I have gone through in my life. I'm very attached to this story because it happened to me. Sheldon and Penny are characters that I love and I wanted to play with them and see what would happen if they met each other at a Psychiatric facility. And this is the result._

_This story is extremely AU. The most important things you need to know are: Sheldon and Penny are the same age. Sheldon did not go to University at eleven, he went through school like everyone else, but he is still Sheldon. Missy and Sheldon are close.  
_

_I do not own The Big Bang Theory, if I did Sheldon and Penny would be canon already! I also do not own Chris Tomlin's song 'Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone)'. I am borrowing these things for my and all of these lovely readers' amusement._

_I would like to say thank you so very much to my beta: **lizwontcry**! She was the one who demanded me to write this story on Tumblr. She is awesome, your arguments are invalid. If you haven't please check out her story: **Pandora's Box**. _

_Now without further ado, I present to you: Melancholy Serenity!_

* * *

Chapter One: A Wretch Like Me

Sheldon stared at his reflection like he did every time he encountered a mirror. It had become something that he couldn't help doing, it was automatic.

Sheldon never liked what he saw. He saw weakness, he saw loneliness, he saw pain, and he saw melancholy. He couldn't remember a time when he looked in a mirror and didn't examine his reflection. He had always been analytical; it was what made him a prodigy. He saw the Universe and everything in it and he couldn't help but want to figure it out, to see how it worked. He was fascinated by every star in the sky, every pebble in his Meemaw's garden, every single atom that made up the Universe, he wanted to understand and know.

"Shelly, honey," said a faraway, vaguely familiar voice. "Shelly, we gotta go. We're gonna be late!"

Sheldon looked in the direction of the voice, it was his mom. He felt like there was something wrong with his eyes, everything was blurry and he felt like he wasn't in his body, as if he were watching himself from outside.

_I need to stop. I need to go. I have to move. I cannot worry mom or Missy. I have to snap out of it!_

It was a touch from Missy to his shoulder that brought him back. He looked to his right and gave her a look that he hoped said thank you. Sheldon tried to ignore the worry in her eyes. _She knows. She knows I'm not right._ Sheldon thought as he started walking out the door of his home in Galveston, Texas. The heat was overwhelming, it wasn't usually this hot in December but the weather, much like him, wasn't normal; he was uncomfortable in the clothes his mom insisted he wear to church. Sheldon hated church, this was one of the reasons he left and went to University. He was currently on break for Christmas and wanted to stay on campus for the break, but his mom wouldn't hear any of that. She wanted to see her youngest son. And Sheldon also didn't want to be alone on campus, and though he would never admit it, he really did miss his twin sister. Missy was sometimes entirely intolerable, but she was always there when Sheldon needed her.

Sheldon needed his sister right now. Things had started falling apart. The universe had stopped making sense. He wanted more than anything to stop the things that he sometimes saw in the dark. He could see the creatures from the pits of Hell, something Sheldon didn't even really believe in, crawling on his skin, and his walls. Sheldon tried praying to God, the one whose existence he doubted, to save him. That's what his mom always said had saved her, this God character, so where was He or it?

In the car on the way to the church on that second day of his Christmas break was when he first heard the voices. Or rather at the time it was just one. Just one voice, it might have been enough to send him over the edge had the radio not been on. It was easy for Sheldon to tune it out when he had something else to focus on. He listened and took in the lyrics to the song his mom was singing along with.

_Amazing grace, how sweet the sound  
That saved a wretch like me  
I once was lost, but now I'm found  
Was blind, but now I see_

_Twas grace that taught  
My heart to fear  
And grace my fears relieved  
How precious did that grace appear  
The hour I first believed_

_My chains are gone; I've been set free  
My God, my Saviour has ransomed me!  
And like a flood, His mercy reigns  
Unending love, amazing grace!_

Sheldon had never heard the song before, but he knew it was similar to William Wallace's traditional hymn, 'Amazing Grace'. He focused on the remaining lyrics. Sheldon liked the song; it brought some much needed comfort. It was uncharacteristic of him to find comfort in anything to do with faith because he believed in logic and what he could see, and he had never seen his mom's God. As soon as the song was over the voice in his head took over, and then it multiplied. Sheldon didn't know what to do; he couldn't silence the voices because he believed what they were saying. _I am weak. I am a loser. I'll always be alone. How could anyone willingly love me? Why does everything hurt so much? _Sheldon felt a burning in his eyes, he was crying. The silent tears were a physical manifestation of the pain he had held inside for so long. He wiped his face with the sleeve of his shirt.

"Shelly, we're here," his mom said. Sheldon slowly got out of the car and walked behind his mom and sister.

All of the sudden Sheldon collapsed. His weak body could no long support his tall and lanky frame. He remembers hitting the pavement. He remembers not being able to breathe, his eyes loosing focus, his ears ringing. The last thing Sheldon remembers is hearing a scream. And then the blackness took over.

* * *

Sheldon woke up with a start. He looked around the room; it was unfamiliar, though he would have known the white walls anywhere. He was in the hospital. He could feel the IV in his arm and it made him cringe, he hated the odd sensation of having something foreign inside his body. He also noticed a blue wrist band on his left wrist. Sheldon tried to piece everything together, but none of it made any sense. He was walking to the church building with his mom and Missy and then… nothing. He looked to his right and saw his sister, sleeping.

"Missy," Sheldon croaked. "Missy, please wake up."

Missy looked up at her brother groggily, it took her a minute to register that he was awake. When she came to that realisation she stood up and ran to her brother's side.

Sheldon could tell she had been crying. The pain in her eyes went straight to his core and took his breath away.

"Wha… what happened?"

"You fell. When the ambulance came you were convulsing. They thought you were having a seizure, but once they hooked you up to their machines, the only thing abnormal was your heart rate, when we finally got here the doctors said you had a severe panic attack. They also said that you were malnourished and exhausted. You've been sleeping for about six hours." Missy suddenly changed her tone from that of sympathy to anger. "Sheldon Lee Cooper! Why haven't you been eating or sleeping? What's wrong? Please tell me! Momma and I saw your journals, the ones you've been hidin' from us. Why didn't you tell me? We tell each other everything!"

Sheldon started crying. He had reached his breaking point, he was so tired of lying, and of saying everything was OK, when nothing was OK. Everything was broken and now he had nowhere to run or hide. He was in a hospital bed with his sister crying in front of him and all he could think was that if he had gone through with killing himself last week, everyone would be better. He was a coward. He was weak.

"Missy... please, I'm sorry! It's just been so hard! I know if I had gone through with killing myself last week, you wouldn't be here and you and mom would be better off..." Sheldon paused. The look on his twin sister's face was mixture of sadness, empathy, sympathy, and more profoundly, anger. He wondered what he had said that would make Missy look this way. He was frightened.

"Sheldon, shut up! Stop saying things like that! Momma and I would have been broken if you had killed yourself. And what about Meemaw? Are you really that selfish?" Missy shouted at him. Her face was a deep crimson and her eyes were red from crying.

"No. That's why I didn't do it. I couldn't bear to see you, mom, and Meemaw go through pain like that." Sheldon whispered. He was tired of hiding his feelings and thoughts from everyone. He looked up at his sister, shame covering his entire being. He opened his mouth to continue, but Missy held up her hand to silence him.

"Shelly, you know what happens now, right?"

"No." Sheldon honestly had no clue.

"You can't go home or back to the University."

"What? Why? I don't understand! I can't stay here! I need my things! I need my bed! I need to finish my work! I'm fine now, Missy I promise! I won't think those things anymore!" Sheldon's words were filled with a desperation Missy had never heard from her brother before.

"Shelly, momma signed you over to the care of the hospital. She had no choice. When she saw your journals and then showed them to the doctor, they told her what she needed to do. It's the law, the social worker explained to momma and me that if you are considered a danger to you, others, or both; you have to be sectioned. They said they found a bed for you at a psychiatric ward at The Methodist Hospital, where you have to stay for at least 72 hours. You leave later this evening." Missy stated solemnly.

Sheldon stared at his sister. He had gone past the point of feeling anything in the time it had taken her to say what she had just said. It was like his brain and his body disconnected. Suddenly, Sheldon jumped out of his bed he vaguely felt the IV rip out of his arm, and lunged at Missy. She tried to run, but he was faster. He pinned her down to the floor. She was shrieking and her eyes were filled with fear.

"Sheldon! Stop! You're hurting me! Sheldon, please, please stop!" Missy cried out.

"You're lying! Why are you doing this to me? I thought you cared about me! Why would you and mom do this to me? How cou-" Sheldon felt hands on his arms, pulling him off of his sister.

"Get off! Don't touch me! You can't touch me! Missy! Please tell them! They can't touch me! Mom! Momma! You can't let them take me!" Sheldon was thrashing about and shouting at the top of his lungs. Two patient care assistants had him by the arms. The door to his room swung open and in came his mom and three nurses. Two helped the patient care assistants try to control his flailing limbs, while the third was preparing a syringe. Sheldon saw the needle and he became even more desperate in his attempt to free himself from the four people who were now securing restraints to his feet and wrists.

The nurse with the syringe came up to him, and Sheldon gave her a pleading look. He was nowhere near calm, he was still struggling against his restraints, begging and pleading. He looked over to his sister who had the saddest look on her face that he had ever seen. His mom was crying. This only furthered his distress.

"Please, let me go. I promise I'll be better. Missy, tell them I can be better. Tell them! Tell-" Sheldon felt a stab in his arm and he screamed. He was cursing everyone and everything. It only took the sedative a couple of seconds before Sheldon felt like his was losing touch with everything.

"Missy… sorry… Mom…" Sheldon fought to stay conscious. He looked at his family and he felt a lone tear fall down his face. The last thing he heard were the slightly distorted voices of his mom and sister telling him that everything was going to be okay. He watched them walk slowly towards him and then nothing.

* * *

Missy was disturbed. She had never seen her brother so upset before. Her mom was talking to the pastor of their church, trying to get him to come down to the hospital. Missy had to put a stop to that immediately.

"Yes, pastor. My boy isn't right. He's got the Devil in him! I need you to come-" Mary Cooper stopped talking abruptly. She looked toward her daughter, who hung up the phone.

"Momma! You can't do that! He's sick! He doesn't "have the Devil in him"! And you know how Shelly feels about this!" Missy held up the phone to indicate that she was talking about the pastor. "He needs to go to Methodist and he needs to get better. Momma, I'm not sayin' you can't pray for him, but you can't go around tellin' people about this. It's no one else's damn business!"

"Melissa Leigh Anne Cooper! You will not use that sort of language in my presence!" Mary shouted. She was about to continue when Missy interrupted.

"Please, momma, promise me that you won't say anything to anyone except Meemaw. Sheldon can't deal with people knowing he had some sort of meltdown. It would hurt him more than help him. He needs to know we are on his side and that we love and respect his wishes. If anyone asks about Shelly, just tell them to pray for him, and then end the conversation." Missy felt a surge of pride. She had never felt this mature and intelligent in her life. She hoped Sheldon would be proud of her.

"Missy, dear, I know you're right. I'm sorry. I'm just so scared for my little Shelly. And it's Christmas! He's going to be alone on Christmas! No one should be alone on-" Mary's words were stifled by sobs. Missy walked over to her mom and hugged her, whispering reassurances into her ear.

* * *

Sheldon slowly woke to the sound of the door closing. He waited a second before he opened his eyes. The first thing Sheldon noticed was the IV in his hand, and he was hooked up to a vitals monitor. Seeing the IV made him cringe. He felt a sudden wave of déjà vu. He also noticed that he was lying with both of his hands firmly on his sides. Sheldon tried to reposition them as it felt awkward, but he couldn't. A flood of panic flew through his mind; he started to struggle against the things that were keeping his hands in place. He was in restraints. Sheldon was confused. _Why am I in these? What happened?_

Sheldon heard a voice. It was a calm voice, soothing. He moved as much as he could with the restraints holding him place. Sheldon was still feeling woozy; everything seemed so surreal, as if it wasn't really there. He finally saw the person to whom the voice belonged to. It was his Meemaw.

"Hello, Moonpie, I know you're probably a little confused but I need you to relax. The doc said if you start to panic, they'll have to sedate you again." Sheldon stopped moving against the restraints which he now realised were also on his ankles. He took a calming breath and looked into his grandma's eyes. She looked concerned but not worried; she was smiling genuinely at him. Sheldon found some much needed solace in seeing his Meemaw. She pulled up a chair and sat as close to the bed as she could and looked at him the way only a grandma could look at you. "How are you feeling?"

Sheldon thought for a moment and tried to process his emotions. He went through a list and mentally ticked off each one he felt was relevant. He looked around the room for the first time since he had awakened. "I feel tired, depressed, scared, and, oddly relaxed." He looked around the room, taking in his settings and noticed his mom and Missy were not there. "Where are Missy and mom?"

"They went home for some rest. I told them I wouldn't let you out of my sight. Do you remember anything? The doc said you might have trouble with mental recall of events before you were sedated." She asked gently.

Sheldon thought back, he remembered walking out of the car towards the church. He remembered waking up here and talking to Missy, then… a look of sheer horror spread across his face. He remembered attacking Missy. Sheldon felt his eyes fill with tears. He had never attacked anyone in his life, he wasn't violent at all.

"Oh my God, Meemaw! I attacked Missy! Is she hurt? Is she okay? How-" Sheldon couldn't speak anymore because the sob he had been trying to swallow finally came out. Sheldon started shaking and he heard the beeping of the heart monitor get louder. Sheldon tried to yank his hands out of the restraints in vain. He heard the door to his room open and his head shot up. He watched as Meemaw got up from her chair and spoke to the nurse who had walked in.

"I'm sorry ma'am, but the doctor gave me specific instructions to sedate him if he started panicking again. I'm only doing my job," the nurse said with a hint of irritation.

"Dear, I need to speak to my grandson before he leaves.I have six children; I know how to handle a young man."

Sheldon willed himself to calm down; he wanted to talk to his Meemaw. He _needed_ to talk to his Meemaw. He took two steadying breaths and listened for a second as the two women continued to argue. The beeping had stopped. He was still shaking, but not as violently as he was previously.

"I… I'm fine. I want to talk to Meemaw, please?"

The nurse looked from his grandma to him, sighed and looked at Sheldon sympathetically. Sheldon was grateful the nurse had acquiesced to his grandma's request. She then did something he did not expect. The nurse walked up to him and released him from his restraints.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." She replied gently. "My name is Lis, by the way. I'm from Methodist Hospital, where you will be transferred to sometime this evening. Do you need anything?"

Sheldon rubbed each of his wrists with his hands. He wanted the IV taken out, and really needed to use the bathroom. He looked at his Meemaw, who had an encouraging smile; he then turned to look at Lis.

"Can you take the IV out? May I use the restroom as well?"

"Yes, you may use the restroom; however the IV has to stay in. It's hospital policy." She replied.

"Which hospital?" Sheldon inquired.

"I'm sorry?" Lis looked confused for a brief moment before comprehension took its place. "This hospital's. Now, I'm going to have to escort you to the restroom you-" Sheldon cut her off.

"Will you be in the room with me?" Sheldon asked, horrified.

"No, you are allowed your privacy. You cannot lock the doors though." Lis replied, good-naturedly.

Lis and Meemaw helped Sheldon get to the bathroom. Lis had to check the room for any potentially dangerous objects because Sheldon was on suicide watch. When the bathroom was cleared, he walked in and immediately looked for the mirror, but it wasn't there. He felt a nagging thought in his mind that always accompanied with a disruption in his usual pattern of behaviour. Sheldon did the best he could to ignore it.

He looked down at his wrists, still a little raw from the restraints. He noticed the blue wristband again, this time he saw that there was writing on it. It said:

MENTAL HEALTH RISK; COOPER, SHELDON LEE; AGE: 18; NO ALLERGIES; HALIDOL 2-8 CC's; EMERGENCY ROOM, CURTAIN 12; GALVESTON COMMUNITY HOSPITAL

Underneath the words was a long barcode. Sheldon assumed it was for the computers the nurses always walked around with. He knew that inpatient medical records were kept on a secure wireless server, so no one saw private information about any patient.

There was a knock on the door. He jumped and said he would be out in a minute.

Five minutes later Sheldon was back in his room eating his first solid meal he had had in almost a day. He picked at it-he had no idea what the food preparation area of the hospital looked like and therefore had no idea how his food was handled. This unsettled him. After a few minutes he pushed the food away.

Sheldon looked up at his grandmother and gave her a half smile. However, when Lis had dropped the food off, he was told that he would be leaving in two hours. He was back to feeling anxious. His Meemaw noticed because she picked up a bag he hadn't noticed. It was one those thermal ones that kept food warm while travelling. Sheldon smiled at his Meemaw. She pulled out some silverware and two plates.

"Moonpie, why don't we eat here at this table."

Sheldon got out of bed and pulled the IV stand with him as he walked to the tiny table in the corner of the room. He paused for a moment trying to decide which spot would be the best. He took the seat facing the window that looked out into one of the many hospital parking lots. He helped lay out the plates and the food. It was a honey baked ham, homemade dinner rolls, steamed broccoli, mashed potatoes, and apple pie for dessert.

Sheldon had a good meal. His food was the perfect temperature and the taste was unbelievable. It felt like so long since he had been able to taste food. Up until now everything tasted the same, like cardboard with multiple textures. It's why he had stopped eating, food tasted and felt wrong. It had been two and a half days since his last meal, and he hoped he would never have to go without food ever again.

Sheldon talked to his grandma, told her everything that had been going on and what had been stressing him out. How living with someone else was almost intolerable, how his roommate ridiculed him in front of his friends and how many times he had to sleep in the dorm buildings common room because of the "sock on the door" rule. He just told her everything he had only written in his journals. Sheldon felt better after saying all of those things that had been weighing him down. But he also told her about a girl he noticed on the first day of classes. They were in the same Freshman Seminar class. He watched her sit in the same spot every Tuesday and Thursday for an hour and a half.

"Her name is Penny Reed. She has long blond hair with curls. The one time I saw her face I noticed she had emerald green eyes. I tried to talk to her once. I called out to her one day after the lecture. She turned around and I… I ran. I couldn't think what I was going to say. That was when I noticed she had green eyes."

Sheldon looked at his beloved Meemaw, she was smiling at him. The smile made him feel uncomfortable, but not necessarily bad. Embarrassed, that's what he felt, he felt embarrassed.

"What?" Sheldon asked his face flushed.

"Oh, Moonpie, you like this girl, this Penny. That's why you ran, you got scared! That's okay, you'll see her again." She said with a smile.

"You can't know that. The statistical probability does increase considering we go to the same University, but-"

Sheldon never finished his sentence. The door opened and in walked Lis with two other people he did not recognise. Sheldon immediately tensed up, he didn't want to go and he didn't understand why had to go to a different hospital. Sheldon looked from his grandma to Lis; both women seemed to have the same nervous look on their faces. It was unnerving; it made him feel like confirming their fears and just lashing out, because that's what they were waiting for, right? He gripped the edge of the table and was about to charge when Lis spoke.

"Okay, Sheldon, has anyone told you what's gonna to happen and why it's gonna happen this way?" Sheldon shook his head, a little caught off guard. He wondered if that had been the intention.

"Well, first thing is, the hospital here doesn't have room for you in the Psychiatric facility. So what they usually do in that case is call other hospitals and see if they have room and if they are willing to take you. You are going to be the second patient to be transferred to Methodist today. You'll travel by ambulance and it shouldn't be a long trip. I will be in the back with you; everything is going to be fine. Are you following me so far?"

"How could I be follow-"

"He understands, isn't that right, Moonpie?" Meemaw interjected. Sheldon nodded.

"Also, your IV will be removed."

Sheldon relaxed a little at this bit of information. He hadn't forgotten about the IV, but he had somewhat gotten used to the sensation of a foreign object invading his body. He cringed and tensed when Lis touched his hand. She told him he needed to relax, that if he did the removal will be painless.

Sheldon inhaled and exhaled three times before nodding that he was ready. The next moment, the IV was gone and his hand was being bandaged. He looked down to examine his hand but was distracted by the enormous bruise that was forming on his arm.

"Yeah, that's gonna hurt for a while. Try not to put much pressure on that arm and it won't be too sore. It's gonna keep getting ugly though for at least another day," informed Lis.

Sheldon had a vague memory of the original IV being ripped out of his arm when he lunged at Missy. He shook his head trying to shake the memory away. He didn't want to think about that right now, not ever really.

"Moonpie, your momma and Missy packed you a suitcase with some clothes and things." Meemaw said, lifting his favourite black suitcase. "Oh, and Missy also wanted me to give you this."

Sheldon looked from the suitcase to the iPod in his grandma's hands. He reached out to take it, wincing from the pain of exerting his arm. It was his iPod, and that made him feel a little better. He could listen to the lectures he had downloaded. It might give him foundation to build a temporary but stable schedule while he was away.

"Thanks, Meemaw. Please tell momma and Missy that I'm sorry and that…" he paused. He didn't understand why saying the thing he wanted to say was so hard. Sheldon swallowed and finally spoke again. "Tell them… tell them that I love and will miss them."

"Of course, Moonpie. I need you to promise me something, okay?"

Sheldon was hesitant to agree to something when he didn't know exactly what it was. He knew better than to ask what she wanted before he promised because his grandma was a firm believer in "taking a leap of faith". So Sheldon just nodded.

"I want you to promise me that you will do everything you can to get better. Even if that means talking to the other people who are there with you. You might find that you have a lot in common and you can work together. Promise me that you will tell someone if you feel like hurting yourself, okay?"

"I… I promise," Sheldon said while nodding. He was apprehensive about making this promise because he didn't know if he could keep it. Looking at her made him want to feel okay. He was scared about being away from home, in an unfamiliar setting. Despite all of that, he would try his best to keep his promise to his Meemaw.

Sheldon got up and gave his grandma a hug. She was momentarily surprised because he never initiated contact with another person. She saw this as a sign that everything was going to turn out for the best. He pulled back from her and turned to Lis. He had a determined look on his face.

"I'm ready."

He thought that Lis would have let him change into some of the clothes from the suitcase, but she said no. Sheldon was still in the TARDIS blue hospital gown. Lis said his belongings had to be searched, it was Methodist's policy.

A few minutes later, Sheldon was on a gurney, being wheeled down the hall. They paused to sign some paperwork about his transfer and made sure Lis had everything that Methodist would need to treat him. While this was going on he pulled out his iPod and opened the music tab. His jaw dropped. _Oh dear Lord, what fresh hell is this?_

Instead of his numerous lectures, he saw actual music! Sheldon liked music but not the kind that was currently on his iPod. He wasn't a fan of anything Missy liked and that was exactly what was on here. The Beatles, Guns N' Roses, Taylor Swift, Billy Joel and a plethora of others. Even Miley Cyrus **AND** her alter ego, Hannah Montana! Why did his sister insist on torturing him sometimes? He sighed. Then he heard a familiar voice belonging to a female. He couldn't recall why it was familiar so he looked in the direction of the voice and for the second time in five minutes, his jaw dropped.

It was Penny.


	2. Chapter 2: Arriving

_******Author's Note: **Hello everyone! I am terribly, truly sorry for the delay in posting Chapter 2. I've had a lot going on these past few months and it interfered with writing time. I have this success driven writers block. If people like what I have, but it isn't finished, I get nervous and my creativity just stops flowing. So I also had to deal with that. I'm not blaming anyone, but I was also a beta for an AMAZING Shenny fic, and that took up a lot of time. I wouldn't take that back for anything though.  
_

_ I also had originally planned this chapter to be much longer than it is and for it to contain Penny's reason for being sent to the hospital. I've known her story from the beginning, and it's not going to be a pretty one. I wanted to reverse the roles and lives of the two characters. A lot of fics have Sheldon as having this really traumatic childhood and Penny kind of having a normal one. It's the opposite here. _

_I would like to mention that I do have a synopsis of chapter three and I'll start writing it tomorrow. I will be on vacation till very late Thursday, 16 August. I will have had plenty of time to get writing done anyway.  
_

_Finally, I would like to thank my friend and beta, **Lizwontcry**. I don't know what I would do with her! If you have not (and shame on you if you haven't!), go check out her page and read her amazing stories! **The Reverse Crush Conundrum** and **Pandora's Box** are personal favourites.  
_

_And now without further ado, I present to you: Melancholy Serenity: Chapter Two!  
_

* * *

_**Chapter Two: Arriving**_

They stared at each other directly in the eyes. Both were stunned at the other's presence. Penny was the first to break the silence.

"Hi," she spoke softly while waving her left hand.

Sheldon saw she was wearing the same blue wristband as him. Realization sunk in. She was the second patient to be going to Methodist.

"Hi."

She was about to say something else when Sheldon's gurney jerked forward. He leaned over the edge trying to keep her in his eyesight as long as possible. She disappeared when he went out the door of the emergency room.

* * *

Sheldon was silent the entire time he was in the ambulance. He sat with his eyes straight forward, looking out the window of the doors. It was an odd view. It was too dark to see anything of significance, so he enveloped himself in the blackness. Every now and then there would be a large bump that would momentarily shake him out his silent reverie, only to sink right back into his thoughts. Sheldon wasn't as nervous about being at this hospital anymore; he found it oddly comforting that he would at least see a familiar face every day.

_Penny. Penelope Reed. She knew who I was. She recognized ME! She looked sad. No, not sad, her look said she was feeling something much deeper than sadness. Depression? Yes, that could be it. No, her eyes said she was experiencing something more dramatic; something that I felt, something more penetrating than sadness or depression. What was the word he'd used the other day… melancholy? Yes! That was it, she suffering melancholia._

Once Sheldon found the right word, he used his eidetic memory to remember what else he had noticed. Her eyes, while still a very beautiful shade of green, lost their sparkle-the thing that made them emerald green. The dark circles under her eyes indicated to Sheldon that she was exhausted. The empathy he had for her almost completely took him over.

"Sheldon? Sheldon, we're here," Lis spoke as she nudged Sheldon. He looked up, surprised for a moment at her presence. "We're going to floor seven, where you will be staying for the next couple of days. You will have your suitcase searched and a room and bed will be assigned to you."

Sheldon just listened and nodded his head when he felt it was appropriate while he was wheeled down a corridor, staring straight ahead. He was back to feeling scared again. He clutched his iPod in his right hand as if it were the only thing keeping him tethered to reality. He felt his breathing hitch and his heart began racing. Then the voices returned and tunnel vision settled in.

Lis was quick to notice the sudden change in his demeanour. She stopped the two people leading the gurney down the corridor.

Lis tapped Sheldon's shoulder, causing him to jump and catch his breath. She looked at him and noticed he was doing everything to avoid making eye contact.

"Sheldon, what's wrong?" Lis asked, her voice filled with worry. Sheldon stared at her as if he had never seen her before. He couldn't keep her face in focus. He shook his head to try to clear it and get everything to go back to normal.

"I... I... can't breathe. My eyes…" Sheldon stuttered. He was trying with every fibre of his being to stay focused on the reality in front of him, on Lis. He didn't know how to exactly express his fear to Lis in words that made sense. It was difficult to form a coherent thought when Sheldon felt this way.

"Okay, Sheldon, I need you to look me in the eyes," Lis spoke very calmly, almost soothingly.

Sheldon did as he was told. It took a second to feel comfortable staring into her hazel eyes, but he managed after a minute. It was then that he felt a sense of familiarity; as if he had seen her somewhere else before. Sheldon pushed those thoughts aside for the time being.

"Good. Now, I want you to take five deep breaths, in through your nose and out through your mouth. Hold each for five seconds."

After following her instructions Sheldon felt immensely better. Relaxed even.

Lis reached out for his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze and a reassuring smile. Sheldon was grateful that Lis seemed to know exactly the right thing to say and do to make him feel calm and safe again.

"Are you ready?"

Sheldon nodded, too afraid to speak. The gurney resumed its trip down the gloomy corridor.

* * *

A half an hour later, Sheldon was checked in and all of his belongings were in his possession, except for his shoes. They took his shoes because they had laces, which were strictly prohibited. The hospital provided Sheldon with a pair of footie socks, which is what he would wear instead. Anurse showed him to his room at the end of the was one of four single rooms. Sheldon was pleased that he wouldn't have to share because he couldn't imagine how he was supposed to keep his promise to his grandma with the added stress of having a roommate.

Sheldon put all of his clothes and pyjamas into the small bureau that was provided for him. As he was doing this, an envelope dropped to the floor. He recognized the handwriting on the front immediately. It was from Missy. He picked it up and stared at it for a moment. After neatly opening and taking out the paper, he slowly unfolded and began to read.

_Shelly,_

_I'm writing this in your hospital room right after the nurse sedated you. I just want you to know, that I am not angry or upset with you. Yes, you did scare me but I get it. You were angry and I would have done the same thing had it been me._

_The reason I am writing this note other than to tell you that I forgive you, is that I want you to know that you are LOVED. Momma loves you. Meemaw loves you. And I love you. When you said that we would all be better off if you had killed yourself, my heart broke. _

_Shelly, while you are at the hospital, I want you to do EVERYTHING you can to get better. Talk to people, if they give you medicine, take it, and try to make a friend. Just one friend, so you don't get lonely while you're there. The nurse, Lis, said that you would have access to a phone, so call me when you feel up to it. Don't worry about Momma bothering you; I'll take care of her._

_I love you. You're the best brother anyone could ever ask for; I cannot imagine my life without you, even if you are a pain in the ass sometimes. I love you. I'm going to keep saying it until you believe it. Do you remember that Series Five episode of Doctor Who called "Vincent and The Doctor"? Do you remember what The Doctor told Amy when they went back to the museum and there weren't any new paintings? Of course you do, you remember everything. But I'm going tell you anyway, he said:_

_"The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don't always soften the bad things; but vice-versa, the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant."_

_I know there is more after that, but the part I wrote is the important part. Just because it's bad now or it's been bad for a while, doesn't mean that there hasn't been any good during the bad. I want you to keep that in mind. I'll see you on Christmas Day and we'll watch the Doctor Who Christmas Special together, like we always do. _

_Love,_

_Missy_

_PS: I know that you're going to be mad, but I took all those lectures of your iPod and put some REAL music on it. Just listen to it. I chose each song carefully and with you in mind. Listen to one of the playlists or put the music on shuffle and listen to the music for at least a half hour each day. Take in each lyric and reflect on them._

Sheldon finished reading the letter and tried desperately to hold back the inevitable tears. Missy had never been one to hide her emotions before but this was something he had never experienced from her: Unconditional love. He realized he was no longer annoyed with her for messing with his iPod, because that was her way of trying to bring him comfort. Sheldon folded the note neatly and placed it back into the envelope. He put it safely in his messenger bag that he took everywhere with him. It held all of his journals, both scientific and the ones he used to write down how he felt. Sheldon looked around the room, looking for a safe place to keep it; he saw a bedside table and decided that would have to do.

Sheldon thought about Christmas, which was on Saturday. There was no way he would be home by then.

He had just finished settling in, when he picked up his iPod and went through the playlists that Missy had put together. They didn't have names other than "Playlist 1", "Playlist 2", etc. He randomly selected the fourth playlist, pressed the shuffle button and sat down on the bed. As soon as the first lyrics came up, Sheldon felt like this song was written just for him. He looked down and saw that the song was called "Beautiful" by MercyMe. He went back to the beginning to really hear the lyrics this time.

"_Days will come when you don't have the strength,  
__When all you hear is you're not worth anything.  
Wondering if you ever could be loved?  
And if they truly saw your heart,  
They'd see too much._

_You're beautiful, you're beautiful,  
You are made for so much more  
Than all of this."_

Sheldon was snapped out of his reverie by someone knocking on his door. At first he didn't hear the knocks because the music was so loud, but he finally heard when the knocks became more persistent. He was momentarily startled and a little annoyed; until he saw that it was Lis with a few towels.

"Would you like to take a shower? Normally, we don't let people shower this late but I'll make an exception for you," she said, smiling genuinely at him. Sheldon didn't know what it was about Lis that he liked so much. He had never felt himself grow attached to someone so quickly before.

"Yes, I would like that. Thank you."

"Okay, well grab your stuff, and I will escort you to the one of the showering rooms. I'll get a male Patient Care Assistant, or PCA, to stand outside in case you need anything."

Two minutes later he was in a six foot room that had a shower in the corner with a curtain for privacy, a sink and toilet adjacent. There was also a counter with two drawers to keep possessions from getting wet and dirty. Sheldon looked around the room; it was plain with off-white walls and tiles. He was anxious about being there, naked without the door locked. Sheldon had been assured by Lis and Will, the PCA, that he would be undisturbed while he occupied the room. Sheldon had nodded to indicate that he understood, before turning and walking into the shower room.

He jumped in the shower and stood for what felt like hours under the warm spray. He was contemplating why he trusted Lis so much. He remembered that feeling of familiarity from earlier, and focused all his energy on figuring out why he felt like he had seen her before.

After about a minute, it struck him. Lis reminded him of Sarah Jane Smith, the beloved companion from the original Doctor Who, played by Elisabeth Sladen. He found it remarkable how similar, both in physicality and personality Lis was to Sarah Jane. It also struck him that Lis' full name was Elisabeth Sheridan. Same initials. Sheldon decided that was reason enough to trust her. He _almost_ smiled when his inner Spock mentally chided him at that being an illogical reason to put trust and faith in anyone.

* * *

Sheldon had just finished his shower and was walking down the long corridor of the "floor" as he had overheard the staff calling his temporary residence. As he was walking silently down the hallway, he noticed that every occupied room had the names of the patients on a plate next to the door frame. Sheldon counted eight occupied rooms, all of them doubles. That meant there were four unoccupied doubles and three unoccupied singles. He thought about what room Penny was in. Which door would take him to her…?

Sheldon reached his room and was about to walk in when he heard a small noise from the room behind him. No one else would have heard it but he had what Missy had referred to as "Vulcan hearing". Sheldon turned around and paused. As he walked closer towards the open door, peering into the room, he was unable to see anything as it was very dark, almost pitch black. Sheldon decided that maybe he had inadvertently made the noise, so he shrugged, walked across the hall straight into his room.

Sheldon had just crossed the threshold of his room and put down his belongings, when he heard the noise again. It was definitely coming from the room across the hall. Sheldon turned around and walked into the room. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the darkness. He walked around the bed and saw girl sitting in between the bed and the bedside table. She had her legs pressed against her chest with her arms wrapped in front.

"Are… are you OK?" Sheldon asked timidly. He never liked to see anyone cry.

The girls head snapped up at the sound of his voice and immediately Sheldon saw that it was Penny. He moved closer to her and hesitated a bit before sitting cross legged adjacent to her. Sheldon couldn't help but notice that Penny's intriguing green eyes were swimming with was also struck by how her gaze seemed to penetrate right through his entire being. He felt a chill race down his back.

"No… I mean, yes… I'm f-fine," Penny stuttered. She looked into Sheldon's eyes for the first time since that day when he called out her name. The first time she realised Sheldon was watching her as much as she was watching him. Penny wiped the tears from her eyes and sniffled. She attempted to smile at him, but she only managed a grimace.

"I…" Penny began but again stumbled over her words. She didn't have any tears left to cry, but she felt her body still wanted her to sob, regardless of the lack of tears.

Sheldon looked up and saw an unopened box of tissues on the bedside table next to Penny. He reached out and as he did, he noticed Penny flinching and cowering even further, if that were possible, into the corner. Sheldon slowly brought the box down and watch as she slightly loosened her tense body.

"Here. For your eyes and nose," He said as she graciously took the tissues from him.

As she took them, her hand grazed Sheldon's. It was completely unintentional. As soon as they made contact, it was like an electric current was pulsing through them. Sheldon immediately thought that he was the electron to her proton. From the look in Penny's eyes, this contact didn't go unnoticed by her and that she had had the same reaction. Sheldon pulled his hand away, looking down breaking eye contact. The silence that stretched between the two was an uncomfortable one; however, neither knew what to say to the other. After a very long minute and a half, it was Sheldon who broke the silence by singing.

"_Soft kitty, warm kitty; little ball of fur. Happy kitty, sleepy kitty; purr__, purr, purr." _

Penny felt her entire body relax. She looked up at Sheldon and gave him the tiniest hint of a smile. She met his eyes again and saw that he seemed relieved by her change in demeanour. It was the only thing he could think of doing, and honestly he wished that someone would sing 'Soft Kitty' to him.

"Thank you. That is one of the nicest things anyone has done for me in a long time."

"You're welcome. My mom always sings that to me when I'm sick."

"But I'm not sick."

"Well, sad, crying and being away from home is a kind of sick," Sheldon replied. He looked at her and saw that she was smiling again. Her smile was infectious; he couldn't help but smile back.

"You know after I don't know, frowning I guess for so much of my life, smiling feels really weird. Like my muscles have forgotten what it's like to make this face. And right now, even though I know it's a real and genuine smile, I can't help but still feel like I'm faking it," Penny said quietly, looking directly into Sheldon's eyes.

There was another pause, this time it wasn't uncomfortable. It was contemplative. They were both thinking about the last time they had genuinely smiled.

"I understand what you mean. You know, the last time I smiled before today, actually smiled, was six months ago. I had just received my acceptance letters from my top six university choices. My dad gave them to me right after I graduated. I was so excited. My dad and I met my mom and sister at The Cheesecake Factory for a celebratory dinner. Everything was perfect. All I had to do was decide which school I was going to attend. But then…" Sheldon's voice cracked. He looked down at his fidgeting hands.

Penny waited patiently for him to continue. She watched him intently and noticed his eyes were glistening with tears he was trying to hold back. Sheldon took a deep breath before continuing.

"That night, on our way home from the restaurant, there was an accident. A drunk driver ran a red light and crashed into our car. I was knocked unconscious and when I woke up in the hospital two days later, I was told that my dad had been killed on impact. I had a broken leg as well as two broken ribs," Sheldon said flatly.

Penny reached out and put her hand on Sheldon's shoulder, again sending that same spark as before through his body. He normally didn't like people touching him, but he found that he didn't mind when Penny did it. He felt comforted. Even more so when Penny began to rub her thumb in small circles on his shoulder in a soothing manner.

They were silent for a long time. Penny was in the process of working up the courage to tell Sheldon the last time she had smiled. Penny knew that she couldn't tell him without sharing her secret with him; the reason she was here. The secret that was slowly killing her. Just as she was about to start speaking, there was a knock on the door, startling both of them. They simultaneously looked towards the door and saw the shadow of a female loomed behind the door; and Sheldon figured it was probably Lis

"Sheldon, Penelope, its lights out. You'll have to finish your conversation tomorrow," Lis said, not unkindly. Sheldon got up first and did something he had never in his life done before; he reached out his hand as an offer to help Penny up. Penny stared at it hesitantly before grasping it. The spark was as shocking as ever, Sheldon would probably never get used to it.

"Good night, Penelope," Sheldon whispered. He started to walk away when she called his name and he turned to face her again.

"It's Penny. Just Penny. And good night to you as well. Thanks for… you know."

Sheldon nodded and walked across the hall. Lis told Penny that she would be right back and walked into Sheldon's room. She held a small cup of water as well as a clear plaster cough syrup cup with pills.

"This is called Ambien. It's to help you sleep, and it will start working in approximately five to ten minutes. If you have any side effects that make you feel uncomfortable at all, tell a PCA or a nurse right away. The doctor you spoke with earlier when you arrived has already set up a medication regiment that you will begin, in full, tomorrow morning. Do you understand everything I am telling you?"

Sheldon nodded. He was grateful that he was allowed to take something to help him rest; otherwise he might not get any sleep at all, due to his exhilaration from his encounter with Penny.

"All right, you have to take them in front of me, hospital policy."

Sheldon took the two containers from Lis' hands and did as he was told. Lis did a mouth check to make sure that he hadn't tongued or cheeked them.

"Okay, the last thing I want to do is check the arm where your original IV was. Have you felt any soreness or pain at all?" She walked over to his bed and waited for Sheldon to extend his arm out to her. Sheldon lifted his arm and flinched, surprised by the pain. He very carefully pushed up the sleeves of his pyjama top and showed Lis his arm. Sheldon didn't even want to look but his scientific curiosity always betrayed him. It wasn't pretty; there was a huge bruise forming in the crease of his arm. Currently, it was a blackish purple but Sheldon knew that it would turn a plethora of colours before that patch of skin returns to his normal soft ivory tone.

"I can give you Ibuprofen for any pain or discomfort," Lis said. Sheldon noticed that although what she said was a statement, she spoke it like she was asking him a question. Sheldon considered her proposal and decided to not take her up on the offer. "No, thank you. I'm fine for now."

"All right then, we're all done. Have a good night's rest," Lis said with a smile. She made her way to the door to his temporary room and left, leaving it slightly ajar.

Sheldon crawled under the covers, reaching with his left arm towards the end of the bed to grab the iPod. He opened "Playlist 1" to see its contents. He was delighted that his sister made him a playlist exclusively of piano music. He pressed "Shuffle" and immediately recognised the first notes of 'Clair de Lune' by Debussy. The last thought he had before sleep consumed him was of his first conversation with Penny. Perhaps his stay here wouldn't be so terrible after all. Maybe finding a friend was just what he needed to start the process of healing.


End file.
